Beastly Beauty

Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder, so it is said. I had a beautifier work on me today, and not for the first time, I should say. Carly Simon once asked the question,
You’re so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You’re so vain
I’ll bet you think this song is about you
Don’t you? Don’t you?,

I certainly have thought that.
So how vain am I?
How aware or self-conscious can I be?
The Aromatic Facial was certainly relaxing whilst the oils etc were being applied. The reduction in my stress levels was measured when I went in to the co-op after it and was irritated instantly by the sloth like diminishing of the checkout lines, so much so that I put my smoked sausage back on the shelf and left in a bad mood, not even a ‘ Hey, like the exfoliation, CJ” when exiting.

There have been occasions, too, when, I have had a notion to change the way I walk. Sometimes I turn my feet inwards and take bigger strides accompanied with a sway of the arms. Other times, I straighten my back and tense my forearms , whilst, having my hands hang loose, but cocked as if ready to draw guns from my holsters of abstraction.
I can be dour too, it has been said.
It’s true.
I can.
I went to smiling lessons once.
It was great by the third session I could laugh, even out loud, but unfortunately, only if I found something funny.
As a kid I went to speech therapy, as I couldn’t talk properly. Nobody remembers me going there, it was only my imagination, was what has consistently been advised whenever I recall it at family celebrations.

On several occasions, dentists from various parts of the world, have enquired of what kind of accident/car crash I had been involved in, to have acquired such a misalignment of my jawbone. On informing them that I have never been involved in any such collisions, they usually follow through, by asking if my tongue has always been so large.
Touching the bridge of my nose with my mouth muscle was a playground speciality, although it was never discussed.

My chin was once compared to the chin of The Joker as played by Cesar Julio Romero, Jr in the 1960s television series Batman. What a blow to my self-image that was. THWACK!

Only last year, it was suggested that I if should consider getting a centimetre cut from the hinges of my jawbone, then that would allow my bottom teeth to recede back into their ‘normal position’, allowing me to be able to chew my food correctly. This, of course, would be a major structural operation on my face, and would be far from straightforward but worth it in the long run. I had only wanted a little gum pain attended to, that day.

My star lookalikes have been Robbie Coltrane, yes the big fat actor who plays Hagrid in the Harry Potter movies. Tommy Cooper, the debonair handsome comedian from the seventies, and Bill Clinton who at least had qualifications in oral sex, but I have no knowledge of his tongue girth for comparison sake.
Once, Bells Palsy froze my face, and when I apologized for its stone like state, onlookers advised of seeing no difference, post palsy.
Is all of the above, tongue in cheek?
I am the beholder
And I am beautiful.
We all are.


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