Cloud types and Sheep

Easter is just around the corner and when it does arrive, that will be a quarter of the year done. Scary stuff indeed. The first quarter of 2010 has passed and I have not really been present in it, not hardly at all. During January and February I was floating on Cloud 209 (a Cirrostratus), but most of March, I have been sitting on the winning cloud that had won the most miserable cloud of all the clouds in the sky competition ( a Nimbostratus), which for the record, in numeric terms would be Cloud -677. Cloud 209 is the highest cloud I have been on so far, one day soon I will soar to even higher clouds. Just like Jesus
We all will
Hallelujah.
So, Easter is here again, a festival of chocolate, boiled eggs and the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ.
The Greatest Story Ever Told.
That film had a huge impact on me as a ten-year old boy. I cried for days after it at the suffering endured by JC. Imagine what it would have been like if it had been Mel Gibson’s torture fest, The Passion of Christ.
Max Von Sydow played Jesus (and eight years later, he had a rematch with Old Nick, playing Father Merrin in The Exorcist ).
Robert Powell played Max Von Sydow playing Jesus on TV some years later

The Lesser Spotted Man from Uncle – David McCallum played Judas Iscariot. Mr McCallum had struck up a friendship with Charles Bronson after they worked together on The Great Escape in 1963, and while Kuryakin was away working hard to earn a crust for him and his struggling wife, Jill (Ireland), he came home with the his 30 pieces of silver only to find Chic and Jill were an item.
Big John Wayne as the Centurion Guard uttered the immortal words to the Big Yin on the Cross, ‘That Man sure was the Sunna Gawd’, a more convincing portrayal of Christian conversion has never been witnessed since.

A couple of years ago, I was asked by a local church group if I would help them to write a wee play about Mark and Mathew and Jesus and stuff like that. You can see I was an expert on the biblical vocabulary. I was asked, due to my experience in this field and the fact that I had a Higher in Drama and Investigative Theatre studies, which I was awarded from Glasgow Nautical College back in 1999. The course was part-time, two nights a week and it was a freebie financed with European money, which was nice.

I was happy to assist. As a staunch non believer (coupled with the subconscious hope that Jesus did indeed arise from the dead, because if this is all there is then its pretty fuckin crap) I set about on some home bible studies. I learned quite a bit, more than the members of the congregation that I was working with in fact.

As an Actor ( my first and only audition, was for the part of a Building Inspector in Lynne Ramsay’s film – Ratcatcher. I never got the part but I am now a Building Inspector) and now a budding Theatre Director, my first task was to assemble the cast for some acting tuition interspersed with acting anecdotes, during tea break, to put them at ease.

Within minutes I related the story of my old friends Larry Olivier and Dusty Hoffman, when they both were working for John Schlesinger on the film Marathon Man. In one particular scene, Dusty was to jog around New York Central Park, pursued by the villain’s and for the sake of authenticity and as a method actor, he wanted to actually jog around the park for a considerable time so that he would be genuinely breathless, when it came to uttering his lines. Larry’s advice of course was “My Dear Dustin, why are you going to all that bother. Just act, my dear boy, just act ”
Some of my assembled troupe, had heard of Dustin Hoffman and showed some interest the others shoved another chocolate digestive in their mouths, diminishing their ability to make comment.
The play was eventually performed and I believe money was raised for HIV charities in Africa, which is always handy.
I was invited along to the gala showing in Aviemore, but at that time I was relocated, through work, to the Free and Holy Isle of Skye, and could not make it.
It was seemingly a great success and the locals of Badenoch Strathspey were speaking about it for hours.

Alas, due to the nature of previous blogs I do not think the play is suitable for these pages as it is a bit pious, holy and bland and to be honest, not really me.

So instead and talking about Christmas, here, firstly is a festive poem, followed by a poem not about Easter , then one about more lowlife and then one about unrequited love , awwwwwww

There
Ootside that boozer
I coulda throttled
The shite
That hut
My mate
The Fuckin loser

Stitches in ma heid
I gote
That night
There
Aw oor ma napper

Burds wid be oan heat
I thote
Bit furra fight
first
furra boot up ma crapper

The nurses wir darlins
I thote
Its Christmas
Noo
So they’ll gie us a kiss

Bit ithher cunts wir snarlin
A lot
Fuck Christmas
Fuck you
Sa load a piss

——-
NOBILITY

A PRINCE AND PRINCESS
AMONGST
THE THUNDERING HORSEMEN
WHO PLAYED
AND PLANNED
THE
CHAOTIC GAMES

GOING WITH THEM
YOU WENT QUIETLY
OBLIVIOUS
THEN AND LATER
IN
YOUR SEPARATE
WAYS

AS YOU BOTH LOOKED
DOWNWARDS
AVOIDING
THE MALTESE SUN
THE INNOCENCE
OF THAT SNAP SHOT
SNAP SHUT
IN YOUR FACE
———-

Good Morning

Light fag,
Take puff,
Feel sick,
Good Cough

Sore heid,
Dry mooth,
Swally can,
Cure drooth

Huv piss,
Comb hair,
She greets,
Don’t care.

Find purse,
Take cash,
Pat wains ,
Then dash
———

Strong Feelings

Feeling very strongly
You were that night
Under dimmed lights
Of the projecting
Going on
By me
And the machine

You feel very strongly
You said so
And I know
I didn’t know
what to say to you
to show you
I was keen

And I felt very strongly
About you
When I saw you
In Tesco
Alfresco
And other Highland scenes

So you feel very strongly
About bubbles bursting
Lovers lusting
Not loving,
lying,
saying things
They do not mean

Though rightly or wrongly
I feel very strongly
About you
To be with you
And wish
You,
My friend,
would want to
Be with me
——-

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One thought on “Cloud types and Sheep

  1. Pingback: Cloud 8+1/Shutter Island « Feexby

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